I watch Fox News to hear that wheelchair guy call Obama a dummy, and watch Glenn Beck play with turtles. I don’t tune in to hear about Bible stuff!
So was I cheesed off on Sunday when that Brit Hume started talking all about Jesus.
They asked him about Tiger Woods and Brit said he needed to get religion. A real religion, mind you, not that fake Buddha stuff where they pray to a topless fat guy.
Some might say the Buddha’s been pretty good to Tiger Woods all this time, what with all the guy’s talent and money and so forth. But I guess Buddha was at Popeye’s for the 12-piece special every time Tiger was out with some sleazy broad, cuz he wasn’t watching out for his little golfer pal then!
Brit’s idea is that Tiger should dump Buddha for Jesus, but I’m not sure that’s a great idea. Look at Billy Graham: does he have a deal with Nike? How was Jerry Falwell’s golf swing? Jim Bakker wasn’t married to a Swedish supermodel, that’s for damn sure.
And don’t tell me: “Look at the Pope, Ed! He’s got lots of fancy stuff!” That just shows how stupid you are. The Pope is the Satanic Anti-Christ, and Jesus is really mad at him! I read that in a comic book I found on the bus, and it was pretty scary!
I don’t know what to tell Tiger Woods about religion, but I have one thing to say to Fox News: don’t let Brit Hume talk about Jesus anymore. Get back to the important stuff, like this week’s kidnapped blonde college girl!