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ED ANGER: “DON’T PASS THE PEACE PIPE!”


I’m madder than a squaw on the warpath!

Here I thought John Wayne killed off the Indians, but it turns out that not only are they still around, but we owe them billions of dollars!

I don’t really understand it, but for some reason we have to cough up tons of money to a bunch of Indians after some lawsuit. Remember the good old days when we could buy them off with beads and a couple of muskets? Those days are gone!

I can’t figure out how we can owe them anything. They gave us cigarettes and we gave them booze, so I call it even!

Plus they’ve got all those casinos. They don’t scalp us anymore – they just take our shirts!

America has to be the only country in the world that’s still paying off people we tried to kill a hundred years ago. Other countries knock off their enemies – we give ours free stuff forever.

No wonder everyone’s always picking fights with us – they want to get their share of the free stuff.

What we should do is go to war with everybody again, including the Indians. That way we can get out of paying them for a few years.

And life would be more fun if we went back to fighting everybody. During the War, the music was better, everybody had a job, and people didn’t walk down the street in their pajamas. If you wanted to see a fat person, you had to go to the carnival, not the Wal-Mart!

Anyway, forget paying the Indians all that money! I say we refight Custer’s Last Stand and settle this craziness once and for all, the American way!