I feel as crazy as a bedbug in a cat house!

Some days it just doesn’t pay for old Ed Anger to get up out of his Sleep Number Bed, grab an instant coffee and switch on the computer machine.

How can so many crazy things be going on in this world? I see Mrs. Teleprompter wore leopard skin for Halloween – which is NOT racist! – but her husband went as a skeleton, from the looks of him!

That fancy pizza he gets flown over to the White House must be sprinkled with All Bran!

The headlines at the Sludge Report just get worse. Seems the ChiComs had to use fake snow to make it look like winter. Heck, they should of just invited Al Gore to visit Chinkland – everywhere Mr. Global Warming goes, it snows!

Meanwhile, we’re sending atomic monkeys into space. Haven’t these pinhead scientist ever watched the late show? Now we’re gonna be crushed by giant apes in no time! This is where my tax dollars go to: giving glow-in-the-dark chimps a free trip to the moon!

My ulcer can’t take all this craziness!

Speaking of crazy, they say some Hollywood big shot is making a new movie about that guy all the A-rabs pray to. I’m old enough to remember the last time they made a picture about Momar or whatever his name is: they didn’t show the big guy’s face and so forth, but a bunch of A-rabs blew up the guy who made the movie anyhow.

Now if only that fatso Michael Moore was the guy making the movie – maybe they could kill two tons of flab with one stoning!