I’m madder than an Eskimo at a salad bar!

So it turns out the weather hasn’t got hotter in the last ten years after all. Which I could’ve told you and I didn’t go to some fancy college. And I sure as hell don’t work at the United Numbskulls.

I’m looking out the window and there’s snow on my damn lawn! So where’s my million dollar “research” prize?

After all these tofu-munching commie hippies tell us how to live, it turns out it was crap. Just like all their other ideas, from women’s lib to The Monkees.

We’re talking about geniuses who think it’s a smart idea to squeeze a rubber raft between giant whales and guys with spearguns. Next we’ll let the boys on “Jackass” fix the Middle East!

Speaking of jackass: Al Gore finally answered questions from a reporter the other day and totally bombed. At the end, they cut the guy’s microphone and Al Gore stomped off back to his private jet with its fridge full of candy bars.

They should start calling him “Al Girl,” he acted like such a baby!

Did you ever notice that whenever Al Girl goes somewhere to give a talk, it snows? That is a true fact. You can look it up. If this global warming thing ever dries up, he can just rent himself out to those ski places!

It would be the first honest work he’s ever done!

Meanwhile, even some of Obama’s friends are saying he didn’t deserve that Please Prize. It’s only been a few months and already the Teleprompter Kid turns out to be b.s. too.

That’s it: Obama is like the global warming of Presidents!