BREAKING NEWS – Ed Anger has obtained Ted Kennedy’s letter to the Pope!
So back in the summer, Ted Kennedy gave Obama a letter to give to the Pope. I guess Teddy boy agreed with Obama that “it’s the Post Office that’s always having problems”!
Nobody knew what was in that top secret Pope letter – until now!
Today, I received THE ACTUAL LETTER ITSELF, from a super secret source who calls himself “Barely Legal XIV,” whatever that means.
The letter came rolled up and stuck in an empty bottle of Crown Royal (complete with one of those handy purple drawstring bags, too! Mrs.
Anger loves those damn things…)
And speaking of booze: don’t blame me for those wet highball glass marks all over the letter. They were there when I got it!
Right now, some of you are mad at me for printing this thing, but I don’t give a rat’s heiny! The Papist Church of Rome isn’t a real religion anyhow; all they do is get drunk and pray to statues and rattle their beads and who knows what all!
Here’s the letter:
“How are you? I am fine.
“First off, thanks for the nice Christmas present. I always wanted a pair of those red slippers you always wear – how did you know? They look really good, and are perfect for wearing around the compound.
“Second, how is the canonization of my brothers going? I know it’s a lot to ask, all things considered, but just think of all the holy cards you’ll sell with their pictures on it? They were the good looking ones, after all. Saint Bobby of Boston has an especially nice ring to it, don’t you think?
“Finally, I just want to remind you to put in a good word for me to You Know Who. I’m getting pretty nervous about You Know What, all because of That Other Thing From Before. It was a long time ago but some people… You kill only one chick but they never let you forget it and get on with your rich, successful and very dry life… Sheesh.
“So that’s all for now. Thanks again.
“PS: O.J. says ‘hi’!
“Sincerely, the Tedster”
Don’t believe me? Take a look yourself!