The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train….
J-train: 5 Mistakes Anthony Weiner Made
Every week there seems to be a new scandal involving naked pictures. Last week I had to put the whole Blake Lively matter to rest and now we got a U.S. Representative showing off his ‘district’. I don’t know why the thought of a middle aged guy sending pictures of himself over the Internet to young girls is surprising; to me, this was about as shocking as the sun rising or a divorced guy wearing a Fedora. The real shocking part here is that we still don’t know how to send a good picture of our genitals over the Internet without getting caught. Here are 5 major mistakes that Anthony made:
Never Show your Face- The whole “picture of your private parts” game is based off of two things: plausible deniability and showing an attractive girl, whom you care deeply for, the least attractive part of your body. Brett Favre knew this and that’s why I’m the only one who remembers his scandal (along with his wife). Sending your package over the Internet should be a romantic, caring act, but putting your face in the photo is a pathetic attention grab (and also incriminating). Just send your penis, otherwise you might seem sleazy.
Never Use Social Networking- Mr. Weiner used the same twitter account he uses to update his constituents about the new zoning laws as he did to send pictures of his ZONING LAWS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (read: Penis). This was a bad move. Every guy in this day and age should have three cell phones: one for home, one for work, and one for “Sexting” pics.
Never Be Fully Erect – ‘Always leave ‘em wanting more.’ If you throw out the whole shebang in a single tweet, what does a girl have to look forward to? You should be working a chubby – enlarged, but not lifted – so if it leaks to the press, you can claim that what they’re seeing is actually flaccid. Then people will be like, ‘whoa, just imagine.’ Had Weiner done this, he probably wouldn’t have been outed until after he had an indiscriminate, ill-advised, extramarital affair with someone he met on Twitter.
Own It – Anthony came out with the ‘dog ate my homework’ of excuses, claiming it was ‘hackers’ who took over his twitter account. Sure, ‘hackers’ took time off from stealing millions of dollars from nerds’ Playstation Network accounts to tarnish the reputation of some low level New York Representative. This is obvious east coast egoism at it’s boldest. He should own it, go full ‘movie bad guy’ with this and just sit in Congress, constantly tweeting pics of his junk, voting against everything, and starting every filibuster with, ‘In mother Russia…’
Don’t Be An Idiot – Dude met these girls ON TWITTER. I mean, c’mon. This is a step away from having a group of ‘World of Warcraft’ groupies. Ever hear of a bar? It’s a much better place to cheat on your pregnant wife.
Here’s the thing, the game of “Sexting” is new and the older generations need to learn the rules so they don’t ruin it for their children (legitimate and illegitimate alike). I fear a world where the public outrage from “Sexting” gets so bad that women stop being romanced by horribly lit pictures of my Man-Region. Anthony Weiner broke the rules and now he is paying the price of public humiliation. So to any older men who are looking to join the “Sexting” revolution remember, stay anonymous, be classy, and look “chubby”.
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