NEW YORK, NY – Fox News stated yesterday that America is not pure since people marry “other species and ethnics.” Mutants around the country are now up in arms.
On the Fox and Friends morning show Brian Kilmead made the comment that a French study on Alzheimers in marriage did not apply to Americans because “we keep marrying other species and ethnics.” He went on “See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes…. Finns marry other Finns, so they have a pure society. In America we marry everybody.”
Take a look:
America’s mutant population is furious at the comment. Spokesman from the Mutant Anti-Defamation League Gary Wannamaker said “We feel Mr. Kilmead’s comments that we take away from the purity of American society is ignorant and offensive. In many ways, mutants add to the richness of American life.” Mr. Wannamaker described the work he had done with Habitat for Humanity with his half-spider wife and their 47 children.
America’s favorite mutant, Bat Boy, took to the streets to protest outside the Fox News Headquarters in New York. Bat Boy, still in town from the July 4th celebrations, was outraged at what he had seen on a television in a store window. The precocious mutant marched alone in protest outside Fox’s midtown headquarters for hours with a homemade sign. In time he was joined by Manigator, still wanted in this state for impersonating a doctor, and in town for reasons yet unknown.
When asked what they had to say about the comment Bat Boy screeched especially loudly, pointing angrily at the Fox News headquarters, then bit off a section of his own sign. Manigator had this to say “Heythereman, ya know, cause, They said mutants is bad, ‘n not pure, an This is AMERICA! Thank You!? Land of the braves, who’re they to tell me I gotta wear pants in Times Square when ain’t a bit a…” That was when he passed out, spilling his 40 of malt liquor.
Fox News’ comments calling for a purification of American society has received some positive feedback. A fraternal brotherhood based out of the south which wishes to remain anonymous has expressed their support, as have several elderly Germans living in South America. Glenn Beck is expected to cry about this later today.