BOSTON, MA – Customs officials have seized 14 kilos of shamrock seeds at Dulles Airport. The seeds would have grown 38 kilos of “Lucky Green” with a street value of $150,000.
Officials were tipped off by an odd looking old lady who smelled strongly of corned beef. When approached by airport authorities she was revealed to be two Leprechauns, one standing on the other’s shoulders. Upon questioning, the two agreed to give names and addresses for their contacts to police, but only in the form of a riddle.
A massive raid that coordinated the efforts of the NSA, ATF, FBI and INF was conducted in the early morning hours at the compound where the seeds were headed. At a farm in rural Massachusetts, agents entered the complex surprising all the workers. 14 Leprechauns were arrested for smuggling, tax evasion, and possession of controlled lucky substances. Several members of the gang escaped when their captors blinked, allowing them time to vanish. Police are still searching for the missing Leprechauns.
Agents found several pots of gold, two hundred thousand in American bills, bank ledgers indicating multiple foreign accounts, and several fake passports hidden in the basement.
Black market shamrocks cost government 84 million dollars last year. This bust before the Saint Patricks Day holiday will keep millions from experimenting with shamrocks; believing themselves to be Irish, calling in sick to work, making poor alcohol related decisions, or unnatural acts with cabbage.