SEATTLE, WA – After this week’s announcement of the 2009 Sasquatch Music Festival, cyber cafes across the country are reporting mysterious nighttime break-ins.
The Sasquatch Music Festival is a three-day concert held annually in Washington state. Bands play on three seperate stages: Sasquatch Main Stage, Wookie Stage and Yeti Stage. The line-up is heavily anticipated, as the festival attracts bigger headliners every year.
Now numerous cyber cafes, all near wooded areas, have been reporting break-ins. The owners arrived this morning to find windows smashed in, clumps of hair and feces strewn about, and computers logged into the festival’s ticketing website.
A security camera captured the image above, of what is indisputably two Sasquatches attempting to buy tickets!
Weekly World News reporters have begun searching Sasquatch-frequented Internet message boards for clues, and it seems the country’s entire humanoid population is planning on attending. Younger cryptids are raving about Animal Collective and Grizzly Bear, while the older ones think it’s a species reunion.
Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, is protesting the festival, alledging weight discrimination after his band Fatfoot and the Gigantopitheci was not picked to play.