BOGOTA – Photographs have surfaced proving the existence of a giant snake in the jungles of Colombia.
Long thought extinct, rumors have swirled about giant serpents disrupting drug trafficking in the most remote parts of the Colombian jungle.
Scientists have now confirmed the existence of Titanoboa Correjonesis, a creature thought to have gone extinct 50 million years ago. Prof. Jonathan Prince, of the University of Florida, says, “The snake would be roughly 45 feet long, and weigh around 2500 lbs. Fossil records indicate it could smell fear from over a mile away and liked to taunt its prey by repeatedly slapping it in the face before eating it.”
The giant snake is believed to be behind disruptions in the Colombian drug trade, attacking plantations hidden deep in the jungle. Local drug czars have spared no expense in trying to eliminate the rare creatures.
Greenpeace sent a team of workers to protect the endangered species from drug traffickers and other threats. Unfortunately they were eaten by the giant snake.
The Colombian government is expected to take action on the creature soon. Dick Cheney is in talks with Bogota officials to acquire one of the creatures to add to his retirement lair.