NEW YORK, NY – US Airways flight 1549 made an emergency water landing in the Hudson River just after 3:30pm yesterday afternoon. Initial reports suggesting the plane struck a flock of geese have been dismissed with the discovery of new evidence confirming that the plane struck and killed the religious icon Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Just minutes after take off from Laguardia Airport, passengers felt a hard bump, and several saw noodles fly by their windows. Esther Rossdale, 63, saw what she described as “a large meatball caught in the engine. Lord a’mighty I thought I was hallucinatin’!”
Eyewitnesses from Manhattan’s west side confirm seeing the Flying Spaghetti Monster, most likely responding to someone’s prayers in the financial district, crashed into the front window.
Pilot Chelsey Sullenberger altered the planes course and brought it down for a smooth water landing in the river that separates New York and New Jersey. For the first time in commercial aviation, no casualties were reported from a water landing. Passengers stood on the wings, quietly munching on spaghetti while waiting for emergency services.
At first, rescue crews thought the crash was brought on by a bird strike, most likely geese getting caught in an engine. But when they arrived, the safety investigative crews began finding various types of noodles and meatballs caught in the intake and eventually the body in the window, confirming eyewitness reports.
Some have wondered if Sullenberger’s near miraculous landing was made possible by a last act of magical intervention from Flying Spaghetti Monster. However most experts agree that FSM was far too self absorbed for such an act, and he probably died trying to save himself.
No official word yet has been made from religious communities about Flying Spaghetti Monsters demise. The religious icon was a strong opponent to creationism and intelligent design. His loss will be mourned in universities and science labs around the world.