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BATNEY’S BACK AT NO. 1


NEW YORK, NY – Britney Spears’ “Circus” has topped the charts this week, and she is ready to celebrate!

Spears’ comeback is officially a success after her sixth album debuted at the top of Billboard’s sales charts. Her accomplishment comes less than a year after a downward spiral of personal problems that threatened to end her career. Barry Weiss, chairman and CEO of the BMG Label Group, stated, “People are just loving how she is doing right now.”

Perhaps this is why they have been keen to keep her nighttime antics as “Batney” a secret. Britney has befriended the country’s most lovable mutant, and the pair have been spotted causing juvenile mischief in the wee hours, when she is able to escape her handlers.

Batney celebrated her album’s success with Bat Boy at a private club in New York City. Neither of them drank alcohol, but did get extremely hyper after overloading on sugary Shirley Temples.

Bat Boy then presented her with his own homemade gold record, fashioned from bat guano and used tinfoil he had collected.

When a fan spotted the singer, the pair fled into the night, hightailing it to Central Park where Bat Boy showed her how to catch mosquitoes: running through a field at high speed with your mouth wide open.

Batney could be heard squealing, “BEST NIGHT EVER! BEST NIGHT EVER!”