BRONX, NY – Fatfoot is looking for a companion who can love all of him.
After months spent fighting an eating disorder, Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, feels comfortable enough with himself to try finding a mate. As Sasquatches are a very rare species, particularly outside the American Northwest, he has taken to internet dating sites to speed the process.
Several weeks ago, Fatfoot was caught binge eating outside a Manhattan Dunkin’ Donuts. Concerned wildlife experts sent him to The View to receive treatment. The popular daytime talk show let Fatfoot express his feelings about growing up feeding out of New Jersey dumpsters and gave him a makeover.
With winter fast approaching, Sasquatches are drawn to prepare for hibernation. And that means finding someone to hibernate with. Fatfoot has turned to the one place where love can happen before physical attraction.
He has created profiles on the most popular web sites: match.com, eHarmony and Chemistry.com. However, though headway is being made in the mainstream sites, there are still not many computer literate overweight Sasquatches registered. Most are still using specialty sites like ChubbyYeti and BigBeautifulCryptids.com.
Sasquatches are a notoriously shy species so genuine success rates for the matching services are still comparably low, but primatologists from the Bronx Zoo are helping Fatfoot spice up his listings and facebook page. His insistence on using the theme song to “Footloose” may be hampering his efforts.
Hopefully Fatfoot will soon find the missing link… to his heart.