REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – Already crippled by their economic crisis, the Icelandic government has now been festooned with “ghost ships” sailing into port.
For this import-dependent economy, ships arriving with both crew and cargo missing has quickly become a critical issue.
Now government marine biologists say they have finally solved the mystery: the passengers and cargo were seized by giant squid who yanked them overboard and ate them!
“Our findings will probably come as a great disappointment to those who were looking for a more mundane and resolvable explanation,” said sea-life expert Dr. Jon Bogadottir, who helmed the emergency study.
“However, we have collected insurmountable evidence pointing simply to giant hungry squid.”
Authorities are unsure of what the next step should be. “With no end in sight for this economic crisis, the country cannot afford for vital food imports to be stolen by these beastly creatures!” exclaimed Althing (Icelandic parliament) member Kjartan Holm. “We must find their weakness and crush them!”
Most proposals have involved the use of the giant squid’s chief predator, sperm whales. The most lauded and controversial plan involved lassoing two whales to each cargo ship, to act as escorts across the sea.
Greenpeace are expected to reveal their protest campaign shortly.