ALTURAS, CA – A frazzled, young government researcher says she’s sick and tired of caring for the baby Bigfoot who was captured by scientists – because the squalling, rambunctious furball is a brat!
“I thought being mom to a newborn Bigfoot would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – but I had no idea what I was getting into,” admits zoologist Dr. Megan Dulowsky.
“The Bigfoot cub, whose name is Jethro, is a little monster. He’s bitten me dozens of times hard enough to draw blood; he’ll grab my hair and swing on it like an ape; if his formula isn’t exactly right, he’ll spit it in my face, and… and he throws poop at me!” she confessed, eyes welling with tears of frustration.
“He’s frighteningly strong – when a doctor tried to take his temperature, Jethro grabbed the man’s arm and broke it like a twig. To be frank, I just can’t take this anymore!”
The amazing cub first came to light in August, when a ranger revealed that he’d been found in Yellowstone National Park. The scientists needed someone to care for the furry newborn, who must be nursed from a bottle – and 31-year-old Dr. Dulowsky, who lives alone on a remote ranch outside Alturas, seemed like the natural choice.
“When they asked for a volunteer to look after Jethro, I jumped at the chance,” she said. But after two months of riding herd over the frisky creature, the lady scientist admits she’s ready to throw in the towel.
Dr. Dulowsky says she’s under strict orders from the Interior Department not to talk about the Bigfoot baby. But she felt violating the gag order was vital for Jethro’s welfare. “I cannot take care of Jethro, and neither can any other human,” she said.
“He should be returned to his natural mom as soon as possible!”
Have you seen Big Momma? E-mail Sarah Haddad at writers@wwnzone.com and let us know!
Once a baby sasquatch is handled by humans, the mother won't take him back. I know because my adopted brother is a sasquatch my dad found on a fishing trip.
Listen, I'm no expert on bigfoots. But I can't imagine that they make good pets for us. Neither are they oversized, hairy humans who can be socialized to live in a human home. They are huge, powerful, wild animals. While they deserve compassion and respect like any living thing, we can not take care of them in our homes.
If they must be in captivity, it should be in a zoo or a wildlife rescue place. Trying to keep a bigfoot cub in a house and raise it like a human baby is going to bring sorrow to all concerned, including the little bigfoot cub. I repeat, this creature is not your pet.
You need to find a zoo or wildlife rescue organization to take the creature in. If they can take in lions, tigers, and bears (oh my), and gorillas, orangatangs, and chimpanzees, they can certainly take in bigfoots. They will have the know-how and the facilities to take care of the little creature.
scwer you
This whole story is a farce. While there is some basis for the bigfoot legend, this story and the picture are 100% fake.
It is actually very difficult to take care of a child most especially if they are spoiled brat and doesn’t listen to your rules.