BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – The European Union has taken action to integrate one of its least recognized minorities: vampires.
The move was a reaction to an Italian ruling to put crosses on top of every street sign and lamp-post in the country, a move many feel was aimed directly at the vampire community.
Outraged, vampires across Europe took to the streets in marches. However, as the demonstrations were held at night and all the attendees were wearing black, not many noticed.
Vampires are one of Europe’s oldest minorities, their discrimination dates back to the twelfth century when Wilhelm the Conqueror crashed an Undead Poetry Reading and killed sixty.
Many within the vampire community are angry at their own for impeding integration. Nikolai Cheryenko says “They’re only reinforcing stereotypes. I know a guy who still wears a cape. All the time. I’m like ‘Dude, really?'”
Governments across Europe are mounting efforts to dispel stereotypes and integrate their undead citizens. Legislation is being drafted to grant vampires equal rights and protection from bias throughout the EU.
Cheryenko continued “We’re regular people like everybody else. We’ve only died and come back as immortals who gain sustenance from human blood. Aside from that, we’re regular people.”
Vampires deserve equal rights because, after all, they are productive for the dark 50-percent of Earth's 24-hour cycle. In fact, vampires accomplish much during the time that most of the world is asleep. The European Union is finally beginning to recognize these "night watchmen", but rumors suggest that the EU is about to impose a Blood Tax.
Vampires need to be given full rights and recognition. They should be able to walk freely amongst mortals as you and I. I support vampire rights.
The EU are fools and idiots. Vampires are a plague on society. If you integrate them into society, civilization as we know it will end.