WASHINGTON, D.C. – In one of the most shocking moves of his candidacy run, John McCain has proposed selling Hawaii to Japan to help repair the economy, a leading Washington insider has informed Weekly World News.
“Basically, Senator McCain sees this as a quick and easy way to generate a huge bundle of cash,” stated the source, an upper-echelon State Department official with close ties to McCain’s inner circle.
“As everyone knows, the U.S. economy is hurting real bad. McCain figures that by selling Hawaii, he’ll be able to pay off a sizeable portion of the recent bailout of AIG while also generating funding for continuing military operations in Iraq, and quite possibly, a full-scale invasion of Iran.”
Initially, McCain considered putting up Massachusetts for sale, along with several other “blue” states. But after Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin pointed out such an action might trigger a massive popular revolt on the U.S. mainland, he decided to hang a “For Sale” sign on remote, isolated Hawaii.
“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway,” the Senator is alleged to have said at a campaign strategy meeting.
The campaign’s spokesman has been sure to point out that this has nothing to do with Hawaii being Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama’s home state. “It never occurred to Senator McCain, and frankly, we find it offensive that that is even being suggested.”
It is widely believed that Japan would outbid any other countries, including Canada, China and Australia, for ownership of the “Aloha state.”
According to a telephone poll of Hawaiian residents conducted last week, 98 percent described themselves as “extremely pissed” after being told about the Senator’s alleged plan.
“He’s so lolo!*” fumed Roy Kaena, a Honolulu native. When asked if he would be voting for McCain, he proclaimed “Not! I nevah.**”
*= “He’s an idiot”
**= ““Of course not! That is inconceivable.”