WASHINGTON, DC – A former doctor of Republican Presidential Candidate, Senator John McCain, claims the reason McCain has continually refused to release his medical records is because he is, in fact, a cyborg!
Dr. John Lawler, renowned gastroenterologist at Walter Reed Medical Center, reports that during a routine medical inspection, he discovered what he believed to be polyps on Sen. McCain’s colon. Upon further inspection, Dr. Lawler discovered what appeared to be thumbnail sized microchips throughout Sen. McCain’s digestive and nervous system.
Calls to the Hanoi Hilton have not been returned, although a recent press release from medical personnel formerly employed by the Viet Cong suggest prior knowledge of McCain’s cyborg status. The press release, dated September 15, 2008 denies any role in transforming McCain into a machine.
This is not the first time that claims of a Northern Vietnamese program to infiltrate the United States government with cyborg operatives have emerged. However, until now, hard proof of such a program has been unavailable.
Under the Freedom of Information Act, a request has been submitted to the Federal Government on behalf of Weekly World News to require the McCain Campaign to release all medical records for the Senator.