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NEW MOON PREMIERE


LOS ANGELES, CA – Seen at the exclusive New Moon movie premiere was America’s Favorite Mutant and die hard Twilight fan, Bat Boy!

Pictures have recently emerged placing adolescent mutant at the premiere and the after party, even though he wasn’t on any list.  Photographs plus several eyewitness accounts have been used to create a timeline for the evening.

Crammed in with all the other fans, Bat Boy waited for hours outside the red carpet to get a glimpse of the stars of New Moon.  By the time Robert Pattinson came through Bat Boy had worked his way towards the front.  Typically his unusual appearance, and ability to only speak in squeaks, offers him a wide berth in social gatherings, but the ravenous Twilight fans pushed him around like anyone else.

Said one Illinois mother, “Yeah I saw that crazy kid with the big eyes.  He started coming towards us all I thought was ‘Nobody’s keeping my little Ellen from getting an autograph.’  Then I thought ‘He better put a shirt on, there’s children here!’”

Pattinson, as he came through the red carpet, met with and signed autographs for as many fans as he could.  Upon seeing him Pattinson immediately recognized Bat Boy from a mall signing nearly a year ago.  Since then the actor has often been seen on the set of his vampire movies reading back issues of Weekly World News.  The young star spoke with Bat Boy for a minute, then motioned for security to let the young mutant through.  This nearly caused a riot among the other fans and security had to use tranquilizer darts on the crowd.  In the confusion, Robert Pattinson snuck Bat Boy into the theater.

Without a ticket bat Boy could not enjoy the movie from the auditorium.  Also the theater had a strict No Shirt No Shoes policy, especially for black tie events.  So Pattinson helped Bat Boy sneak into the catwalks above the theater.  From this vantage point Bat Boy was able to see the screen without obstruction, and could jump and dance and shreik with excitement throughout the film without bothering anyone.

Afterwards it is believed Pattinson snuck the young mutant into his limousine and brought him to the after party to introduce to the rest of the cast.  Witnesses confirmed that costars Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner were both startled upon meeting Bat Boy.  Ms. Stewart was heard to scream “Holy &#$! he’s real!” while jumping onto Lautner’s back and nearly knocking over a punch bowl.  Soon enough, Pattinson was taking his shirt off “to make Bat Boy feel more comfortable” and see who was more pale.  However everyone knew he did it for attention from girls.  Lautner followed by doing the same, and the three took several pictures together.

As the party wound down Stewart was seen talking alone with Bat Boy, venting her frustrations at fame and her busy work schedule.  Bat Boy listened with his enormous ears, but was still in shock either at being so near a movie star or to from talking to a pretty girl.  In either respect he attempted to cheer her up by making goofy faces.

Shortly before dawn the next day a tired yet jubilant Bat Boy was seen walking back home, catching mosquitoes in his mouth.