MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA – The Obama family began their week-long vacation this weekend. The Kraken at the heart of Hurricane Bill was diverted out to sea to avoid any complications.
Like many hurricanes, Hurricane Bill was caused by an angry kraken who had been woken from his slumber. Unconfirmed reports say the filming crew of a Discovery Planet fishing show was responsible for awakening the beast. As the monster raged, a category 3 hurricane grew around him.
Given the already overstretched government resources, and the Presidential vacation set to begin Sunday night, officials were willing to take drastic action to veer the monster further away from shore. “Well, it wasn’t easy” said Mike Angiakis, FEMA specialist on Sea Monsters. “But when you consider the alternative, there really wasn’t a choice.”
Dozens of government helicopters airlifted 50 thousand of pounds of dead fish leading the monster out to sea. Coating the fish was 16 thousand pounds of tsatziki sauce, which “krakens are highly partial to” says Angiakis. The yogurt seasoned fish stretched for miles into the Atlantic in a line that could be seen from space.
Hurricane Bill’s path had been following the US East Coast northward, causing storms and tidal disturbances. Thanks to the sudden change in course it avoided any landfall in the northern US and the Obama vacation in Massachusetts was able to proceed without incident.
Some are wondering if the government only stepped in with this hurricane to assist in the President’s vacation. “Preposterous!” said Angiakis. “The government dealt with this sea monster because it was the right thing to do!”
The kraken is believed to have been sated by the massive meal, and is currently hibernating off the coast of Greenland.
well i dont even know what to say about that but it sure was fun to read