Seeking to further disrupt Town Hall health care meetings Republicans have sent in their secret weapon, Manigator!
Dissent over the Presidents proposed health care reforms has been spearheaded by vitriolic town hall meetings. Debate on the nature of health care reform has been effectively drowned out by raucous and vitriolic shouting matches between conservative citizens and often effite Democrat speakers. So successful has this been that Republicans have called in the infamous rabble rouser, Manigator.
Wanted in several states and banned from entering Canada Manigator has been seen at several of the town halls. Loud, beligerrent, and usually drunk, the presence of the half man half alligator mutant makes it impossible for Democrat speakers to talk about health care. Any intelligent discussion of the facts is quickly drowned out by his drunken shenanigans.
An inside source tells us that two weeks ago Republican officials went down to the Everglades to find Manigator in his trailor. Knowing he had been an avid McCain supporter they offered to fly him to various town halls across the country. In exchange he wanted a carton of smokes for each trip, a case of cheap beer, and an autographed picture of Megan McCain.
Since then he has been seen at town halls across the country. In Kentucky he was videotaped saying “You ain’t gonna make me socialist! This is America, an’ we all live ‘n breathe for American way! An’ that’s trucks ‘n stuff not, whatever. NOBAMA!” In Pennsylvania when the speaker asked him to please be quiet or leave, he climbed on top of the podium and, with a beer in each hand, led the crowd in chanting “Just Say No!” At a Michigan event last week he went off on Death Panels saying “Man, jury duty’s bad enough. But this, no way. Uncle Sam ain’t tellin’ me what to do!” The many rednecks in the audience began clapping wildly at his words. Frustrated, the Democrat Senator who was there to speak threw down his notes and left the room. The rednecks wheeled their elderly relatives whom they brought as props to the front of the room and began an impromptu wheelchair square dance. Manigator was soon passed out in the corner with a bottle of Jack in his hands.
With these successes under their belts, Manigator’s handlers wanted to set him loose at the Obama town hall held yesterday. Unfortunately Secret Service agents recognized the mutant at once and would not let him in to the assembly. He spent much of the day rallying conservative supporters outside the New Hampshire school, and hitting on any woman who looked his way. By 5pm he was running away from local police for 8 counts of public urination and stealing a policeman’s hat.
Whether Republicans will continue to use Manigator in this way is unclear. Democrat organizers are now suggesting that anyone wishing to attend their town halls make sure their shots are up to date.