Mother’s Day is upon us and, like every year, it has snuck up without warning. Now is the time for progeny throughout the country to find something at the last minute to tell our mothers we think about them when holidays tell us to. Below are some of Weekly World News best suggestions for last minute Mothers Day gifts.
Shrunken Head – Scares away pesky neighborhood kids and makes a great conversation piece!
Monkey’s Paw – Give her the gift that keeps on giving. At least three times anyway. Three wishes will be hers with a genuine monkey’s paw. Guessing how the paw will distort her wishes to teach a moral lesson is half the fun!
William Shatner – What better way is there to say “Thank you for bringing me into the world” than William Shatner. For the right price you can rent out the original Captain Kirk for a day, where he will serenade your mother with a song, his free verse poetry, or wine and dine her with his famous Shatner-Charm. (We are not responsible for any negative effects caused by knowing your mom was woo’ed William Shatner)
President Obama Commemorative Dishes – Either display them proudly to remember his historic inauguration, or teabag his image nightly to show your dissent.
Frosty Mugs – There’s nothing Moms love better than a tall frosty beer after a hard days work. Take these out of the freezer and say, “Mom, it’s your day. You should drink more.”
Hunky Men of Conservatism Calendar – See all your favorites-Michael Steele, Sean Hannity, Bobby Jindal, and Rush Limbaugh-posing as Firemen, Ranch Hands, and other blue-collar Americana jobs in this spicy calendar.
Browning 9mm Semi-Automatic Pistol – Help Mom be ready for the coming zombie apocalypse with this high rated semi-automatic hand gun. Also useful if she’s in a sub-par nursing facility.
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome – What mothers don’t love this movie? The special edition comes with its own Tina Turner wig she can wear around the house.
A Date with Bat Boy – America’s favorite mutant has his bow tie and a handful of fresh picked flowers ready to go for the right mother this weekend. Send in your requests in the comments section below, and the best comment will win the opportunity to send their mother on a date with Bat Boy. He promises to be a perfect gentleman and treat one lucky mother to an evening of hand holding and sunsets she’ll never forget.
This is hilarious.
I want a date with Bat Boy.