VATICAN CITY – The Vatican announced that the Pope received an angelic visit confirming that today, April 22nd, is in fact the anniversary of the creation of Earth.
Early this morning, the Pope went on to the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica to deliver an impromptu mass to a crowd of surprised spectators. The Pope seemed somewhat disheveled and clearly jittery. He went on to explain that his angelic visitor had kept him up all night and he was running on holy espresso.
In the sermon of his mass, Pope Benedict explained that the night before an angelic messenger had come to him. The angel confirmed that today is the anniversary of Earth’s creation and stressed the importance of mankind’s role as the planet’s caretakers.
The Angel then went on explaining these points for the next 7 hours. The Pope said he had tried to write everything down, but the Angel was speaking quickly and it was very late.
The Angel explained the science of the Earth’s creation, and how pre-creation relativity affected measurement of time. The pope said, “It involved a lot of science that I couldn’t follow, so you’ll have to trust me. But hey, I’m the Pope!”
The crowd in Saint Peter’s square was shocked to hear such joviality out of the Holy Father. Three nuns in attendance fainted straight away.
“Then he went on to explain how we are stewards of the Earth”, said the Pope. “And he kept explaining it, over and over. I told him ‘I understand’ but he kept on going saying the same things. So I tried saying it in Greek, and Hebrew ‘I understand. I understand.’ I thought he couldn’t hear me so I said it louder, and he said, ‘Excuse me, I’m not finished.’ So I tried to pay attention but he just kept talking for four more hours.”
The Pope concluded his sermon and finished out the mass to a small but enraptured crowd outside The Vatican. How the Catholic world will react is still uncertain, but it is expected that the Feast of Saint Juan, patron saint of coffee and college students, will be moved to April 21st.
The Pope wishes the world a happy Earth Day.