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MAN SUES HIMSELF FOR $8 MILLION


rubinsues

NEW YORK, NY – Wall Street executive Robert Rubin has successfully sued himself for $8 million.

The suit cited Rubin’s managerial incompetence while serving as CEO of Citigroup, a leading banking organization now sharing much of the blame for the financial crisis.

“Mr. Rubin wildly underpriced risk and speculated recklessly,” Mr. Rubin said in a statement.  “Much of our current turmoil stems from this kind of behavior, and it’s time I started sending a message to fat cats like me.”

The language of the settlement legitimizes Mr. Rubin’s grievances with Mr. Rubin, and the seven-figure payoff is a clear signal that those responsible for the crisis will be forced to pay themselves for their misdeeds.

When asked if he felt justice had been served, Mr. Rubin cautioned that more widespread litigation might be called for in a general sense, but affirmed that the settlement was satisfactory to him for the time being.

“This goes a long way towards reestablishing the equilibrium,” he said.  “Mr. Rubin made serious mistakes, and it’s time that Mr. Rubin answered for them, ideally to Mr. Rubin.”

Mr. Rubin added, “That’s what makes this country great.”