KURT COBAIN LIVES!

BARRIE, ONTARIO – Students in small-town Canada have found a message from the great punk beyond: the likeness of Kurt Cobain appearing mysteriously on a shoe.

“A person couldn’t have drawn it on there in such an awkward spot any better,” said Gord Bambrick, the teacher who first witnessed what many are calling ‘the grimy miracle of grunge’.

The image, which features photo-realistic detail of Cobain’s deep-set eyes and cascading locks of blond hair, was formed under mysterious circumstances, in a cloud of secrecy, intrigue, and chalk.  No one can say how or why it appeared, but it seems clear that Kurt Cobain, frontman for the influential alternative rock band Nirvana and decade-old suicide, is communicating with us from beyond the grave.

Worshippers from all over the world are converging to celebrate Cobain’s reemergence in shoe dust form.  The faithful are gathered by the hundreds, in some cases hoping for blessing or healing, in others simply wishing to honor their idol.

“I wanted to pour a bottle of Scotch on it, like I did at his grave, but they told me it would mess it up,” said one follower.

Although officials from Cobain’s estate have yet to declare the shoe a confirmed miracle, the outpouring of faith and devotion speaks for itself.  Many suspect that the shoe heralds Cobain’s return, and that it’s now only a matter of time before he’s back in the studio cutting his much-anticipated post-posthumous album.

“I just hope this time around he ditches Courtney Love,” remarked a woman in a Nevermind t-shirt.  “She was totally wrong for him.”