REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – After the shattering of their economy and resignation of the Prime Minister, Iceland has turned to their old Norse gods for help.
In the past few months, all three of the country’s major banks have collapsed, which has caused the national currency to plummet in value and unemployment to rise. Despite centuries of predominantly Christian belief, Icelandic citizens have now pleaded with the ancient Norse gods to return and save the country.
Their prayers have been answered by the head god Odin, also known as Allfather, The Blind One, God of the Hanged, Chief, Boss, Odin Wan Kenobi and O-Rod, amongst other names.
Odin revealed his likeness in the sky above the capital city Reykjavik, to the awe and delight of its residents. “Good moooooooorning, Iceland!”, he bellowed. “It’s me, the Hung One!” He laughed and slapped his knee. “Get it? Hung One? I was hung for nine days? From the world tree Yggdrasil? And I’m a big guy with big feet… so…” The Icelanders looked away in embarrassment as Odin trailed off and floated awkwardly in silence.
He cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his cloak, continuing, “Well, anyways, your problem is that you guys deregulated the banks, allowing them to run rampant and accumulate debt, especially abroad. When the global financial crisis hit, it became impossible for the banks to pay off their foreign debt and two almost went bankrupt before the government took over. British account holders panicked and their government froze all of your banks’ assets in the UK, rendering your last remaining bank useless. This panic led to other countries’ governments and businesses also abandoning you.”
“You need to continue negotiations with Russia and the IMF in order to secure loans to save your people. Blame it on your lazy government and greedy bankers.”
A woman cried out, “But oh Mighty Thuler, can you not save us?” Odin began to fumble around, explaining, “Oh dear, looks like I’m losing you guys, must be bad reception can’t seem to hear you sorry bye!” and vanished.
The entire citizenship of Iceland has now converted to Hinduism and are praying to Bhagavan.