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GRANDPARENTS TO BE BANNED FROM FACEBOOK

grandparentsbannedfromfacebook

PALO ALTO — Tumblr pages have been dedicated to restaurant posts by them. Millions of young adults use blocking features to hide posts from them. Infiltration by the elderly on Facebook has been answered with a simple reply: You’re banned.

In a few months, Facebook will unveil a new website devoted solely to 80-somethings. The company says it’s a new opportunity for older users to connect on a more simplistic interface. But many others say it’s simply a way of maintaining the youth of the social network.

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Mark Zuckerberg has remained mum on the subject since a short press release was posted Friday afternoon. Many read over the move at first, as it was hidden amongst several other objectives for the year. However, it plainly states the following:

“We at Facebook are here to serve you. So starting next month, users will be required to take a survey to assess your social media aptitude. Say you’re an 87-year-old who frequently signs their posts with a ‘Love, Grandpa’ tag. Well, congrats — you are now invited to our new website! More details will be available soon, guys.”

While this may be a dramatic shift for some, Facebook officials are hoping that the change will be seen as best for everyone. Changes made by the company have been criticized more and more recently, but insiders think this will mark a new era for the tech giant.

“We’re really just looking out for you,” said Facebook engineer Jimmy Braswell. “We’re constantly striving to give the most quality product possible. Let’s be honest: This is what we need.”

When asked if moving will be optional for those who are asked to go to the new site, Braswell was direct.

“This isn’t exactly a ‘ban’ or anything,” Braswell said. “But yeah, they’ll have to leave.”