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HOBBITS INVADE MIAMI

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Hobbits have been swarming into South Beach over the last few weeks and the city wants them out.

Apparently, the Hobbits left Middle-earth believe that Miami would be welcoming to them and allow them  to flourish – without judging them.  “They feel that Miami has become a melting pot of ethnic groups and hope that they can continue their lifestyle in this city,” said a spokesman for the Hobbits.

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The weather and the topography of Miami is much different than that of Middle-earth, but they want to try living in a hot, humid beach city.  “They think they can thrive in South Beach,” said one of the Hobbits.

The new Tolkien movie, The Hobbit, is opening on December 14th and some are speculating that the Hobbits came to Miami by mistake because they actually they thought they were in Los Angeles.  “Hobbits are morons, basically.  The movies make them out to be heroes who are smart and kind, but really they are some of the dumbest beings ever to exist on the planet. I’m glad they are in Miami,” said LA producer, John Falzarni.

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Most of the Hobbits that have come to Miami are Harfoots (the shortest of the Hobbits), but their are also quite a large number of Stoors because they are the Hobbits that know how to swim and navigate on the water.

Some of the local residents have not be so welcoming. There have been reports of local citizens grabbing a Hobbit of the street and taking them home as “pets.”  There is now an anti-Hobbit organization that is actively trying to protect the Hobbits.

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Speaking to several Hobbits, WWN has learned that the aspect they love most about Miami is the topless beaches.  “We don’t have anything like that in Middle-earth.  This must be heaven.”

So, forget the movie… go down to Miami and see a few real Hobbits!

Wide shot of party during Bilbo's Speech.