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JAY-Z NAMED SECRETARY OF STATE

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President Obama named Jay-Z his new Secretary of State. He will replace Senator Kerry in February of 2014.

Everyone inside the Beltway predicted that President Obama would name Susan Rice as his new Secretary of State, but President Obama had another candidate in mind all along.

“Jay-Z is an international celebrity and a known peacemaker,” President Obama reportedly told the White House Press Corps.  “And he’s married to Beyonce. So there’s that as well.”

President Obama said that he didn’t expect Jay-Z to give up his rap career.  “I don’t see why he can’t be a rapper and the Secretary of State.  I’m sure he’ll be asked to perform in every country he visits.  We already have him booked in Tehran and Jerusalem.  He’ll be rapping in both place,” the President reportedly told reporters.

Jay-Z rarely travels outside of the U.S. because most people in other countries can’t understand a word he says, but he does have some close ties with foreigners.  He plans on making Sir Paul McCartney an important advisor on Europe.

Jay-Z said he has other “international” experience.  “I’ve worn a Russian fur hat, dawg.  That ain’t no small thing.”

Jay-Z, whose hits include Big Pimpin’, 99 Problems, Hard Knock Life, New York State of Mind, and the lyrical Money, Cash, Hoes told WWN that he has “much experience” making peace.  “I got East Coast rappers to have a sit down with West Coast rappers.  That ain’t no small thing,” Jay-Z said.

There’s also rumors flying around Washington that a certain New Jersey man is going to be appointed Secretary of Defense.

Beyonce was thrilled to learn of her husband’s appointment.  “I love Barack,” she reportedly told CBS.  “I love Jay-Z.  They are love and I am love.  We are love.”