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ROSS PEROT FOUND ALIVE!

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To the surprise of many Americans, Texas billionaire Ross Perot was found alive on Monday.

Ross Perot had not been seen since he lost his Presidential bid in 1996 and many people assumed he passed away sometime between 1997 and 2007.  Most attributed his death to a heart attack, though a number of Texans felt he died in an ox-bow incident.

But when Perot stepped to microphone to endorse Mitt Romney for president, many were shocked – especially the McDonald’s worker who was standing at the microphone.

Perot said that the future of the country is at risk and that we should all vote for Mitt Romney.

“At stake is nothing less than our position in the world, our standard of living at home, and our constitutional freedoms,” Perot said to the unemployed truckers in a Houston McDonald’s. “Mitt has the background, experience, intelligence, and integrity to turn things around.”

Some say Perot is related to this man:

Running for president in 1992 and 1996, Perot was the most successful third-party candidate in nearly a century. Despite dropping out of the 1992 race for months, he took nearly 19 percent of the popular vote; exit polls suggested he pulled support equally from President George H.W. Bush and challenger Bill Clinton.

This was Perot’s running mate in 1992, Admiral William Stockdale, who unfortunately has been frozen in this position for the last twenty years:

Stockdale was, naturally, unavailable for comment.  But he seemed happy with the news about Perot being alive.

Perot was leading in the 1992 Presidential election, but then he thought that George H.W. Bush had sent aliens to attack his daughter at her wedding.  This did not go over well with the American people – or the aliens.  Perot told WWN that he has been living on Planet Zeeba for the last ten years – and will be permanently moving back after Mitt Romney wins the election.

Forbes lists Perot’s wealth at $3.5 billion. He made his fortune in computer systems and is now invested in real estate and oil.   WWN is hoping that he will leave all his money to Bat Boy.