Killer Raccoons are invading Manhattan and thousands of residents have been attacked in the last two weeks.
The killer raccoons travel in packs of 20-50 and seem to have a battle plan for taking over Manhattan. “We’ve never seen anything like this before. The raccoons keep coming and coming… The rats are even scared of them,” said a source at the NYPD.
The killer raccoons are outsmarted the slickest and brightest in Manhattan. Many residents are trying everything to keep the raccoons out – sprays, traps, clubs, even BB guns and some are throwing knives at them… but the Killer Raccoons keep coming.
“They look adorable but when you get close they show their razor-sharp teeth and then they attack,” said one fashion photographer who was hospitalized at Lenox Hill Hospital. “It just jumped on my face and started biting.” The resident had plastic surgery over the weekend and doctors said they should be able to save his nose.
“I don’t want that feeling ever again. I was petrified,” said Leslie Maddocks of the Upper West Side. “There were three of them and they chase me into my brownstone. It was horrifying.”
Here’s a few of them on the A Train platform:
“They are extremely intelligent animals. In terms of trying to trap them, once they’ve been trapped once they’ll know not to go in that trap again,” said Rich Weddle of the Animal Husbandry Department at Liberty Science Center.
Besides chewing off your race, raccoons can spread rabies and distemper, which is also concern for dogs, not to mention parasites, fleas and ticks.
New York residents are organizing a public meeting on Oct. 17, calling it a “Killer Raccoon Summit,” with neighbors, local politicians and raccoon experts. The federal government has yet to weigh in on the vicious creatures.
“New Yorkers aren’t going to go down without a fight, you can bet on that,” said one resident, who was later eaten by a pack of 50 raccoons.
I say sic the zombies on them!