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DOG WITH HUMAN HANDS COMPOSES MAGNUM OPUS

pianodog

EISENBERG, Germany — Not much is known about Woofgang, the prized, pianist pooch of Eisenberg. Some have called the dog a “genius” and given him monikers like “Johann Sebastian Bark.” Others have labeled his story a hoax, and they say that the supposed canine with human hands is not only a scientific impossibility, but an affront to the musical community.

Marty Kraus, Woofgang’s owner, has decided to dispel growing criticism by releasing what he says is the dog’s “magnum opus.” Before now, only a single picture existed of Woofgang, and his legend had only spread from private recitals held in the Kraus home in Eisenberg. Now, the world can see the handiwork of the animal in the form of sheet music put out in a .PDF format online through several German publications.

“It is time for the world to meet Woofgang,” Kraus said. “I’m so very proud of him, and this piece is not only the greatest work of a dog with human hands, but in the entire artform.”

“Wagnificat” is the name of the piece, and though performers across the world are playing it for themselves, a recording by Woofgang
himself is in the works and is slated for a winter release. Though Kraus is obviously proud of his animal, he seems to be missing a
financial opportunity with the dog’s talents. When asked why Woofgang won’t go on tour and perform live in person, Kraus is quick to give an
explanation.

“Woofgang is a dog,” Kraus said. “Have you ever taught your dog a trick and then he won’t do it outside of your living room for strangers? Dogs get distracted too easily. My Woofgang is no different.”