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SENATOR TRIES TO SWEEP ELECTION WITH PRO-VACUUM STANCE


During the election season, some candidates either play it safe in their stances or they go bold. One senator in West Virginia is taking an alternative route by touting his love for the vacuum cleaner during his re-election bid.

As media outlets have reported, it was recently confirmed that U.S. Senator Joe Manchin’s wife, Gayle, uses a Flowbee to cut his hair. The vacuum cleaner attachment, which was developed in the late 1980s, spurred such a reaction from voters that Manchin decided to double down on his love for vacuums. Manchin has now come out and admitted it: He loves vacuums more than any other candidate in the political sphere.

“He can’t get enough of them,” said one aide, in an email. “And this is why you MUST keep Joe Manchin as your governor, voters! We’re just trying to run a clean race here!”

Seen as largely a tactic to appeal to housewives — or even just the orderly type of voter — the push for such an odd platform has some scratching their heads. But the junior U.S. senator isn’t that particular; Manchin has taken the opportunity to pose with Dysons and Hoovers alike as he stumps throughout the state.

His opponents have not been as kind about the move.

“This is clearly just a distraction from a poor record,” said an adviser to Republican opponent John Raese. “Anyone can get up there with a Dirt Devil and talk about their haircut. We need to talk about the real issues.”

As the election moves forward, each candidate hopes to leave the other in the dust. The only difference is that Manchin would promptly sweep up that dust when he gets the chance.

As of this morning, no vacuum companies have made official endorsements for either candidate.