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ASTROLOGERS PREDICT OBAMA WILL WIN!

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NEWS ORLEANS  -  According to the world’s top astrologers, Barack Obama will win re-election to the U.S. presidency.

Fifty of the world’s top astrologers gathered in New Orleans to determine who will win the Presidential election in November.

Most of them relied on studies of celestial charts pertinent to both Obama and presumed Republican nominee Mitt Romney for the date of either the election itself or the next presidential inauguration.

For Chicago astrologist, Nina Gryphon, it was her study of the Aries ingress – the exact time when the Sun enters the sign of Aries – that clinched the decision. “It’s obvious,” she said. “Obama stays where he is without a change in status.”

Billed as a meeting of the world’s top astrologers, the conference in New Orleans drew some 15,00 people who participated in workshops and panel discussions.

Astrologer Henry Murkin, of Locust Valley, New York said that he looked at Mercury, Venus and the rings of Saturn and matched them with the birthplaces of Romney and Obama.  “Romney is headed back to his home in New Hampshire in January and Obama will become the greatest President that ever lived.  That’s what the stars say.”

The astrologers employed non-scientific methods to predict how the relative positions of celestial bodies may influence human behavior and future events.

Denver astrologer Curt Beeman  said his chart focused on the public profiles of the two presidential candidates, both of whom “are entering into peak periods of eminence in the next few months.” But he said there was a key difference: “Obama’s peak period keeps peaking and goes off the charts.  His aura is literally mind-blowing.  He’s almost as bright a star as the sun itself. ” he said.

Romney’s misspelled campaign slogan isn’t helping him.

Most of the astrologers placed a 99.9% certainty on their forecasts, but a few pointed to potential difficulties Obama may face after his re-election.  “He’s in for some bad times,” said Beeman.

“The ingress of Saturn into Scorpio will cause his downfall,” Beeman said. “It won’t cost him the election, but he will suffer the worst times any President has ever been through – economically.”

Beeman added,  “His reputation will be ruined.”

But astrologer Sally Tindel disagreed, “I see his face on Mount Rushmore.  It’s in his chart. Definitely.”

As for the election itself, Beeman raised the slight possibility of the contested 2000 election being revisited.

“We should all be aware of the Mercury retrograde that will occur on election day,” another prominent astrologer from New Jersey said, referring to an optical illusion that can make a planet appear to reverse direction temporarily.

“Most astrologers are pretty certain that this could cause problems similar to what happened in the 2000 election,” Brennan said, referring to the contested Florida vote that was settled only when the Supreme Court ruled that George W. Bush should be president rather than Al Gore.

A survey of the astrologers revealed that they were all Democrats. “But that has nothing to do with our predictions… we are basing it on the charts.  Charts don’t lie.  Obama will win. Guaranteed.”