TRENTON, NJ – Chris Christie has followed the Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School, and has banned hugging anywhere in New Jersey.
“We are a no hugging state,” Governor Chris Christie reportedly told reporters yesterday. “If we catch anyone hugging it will be a $100 fine for the first offense, $250 or the second offense and $1,000 for the third. After that, it’s jail.”
Christie got the idea from Matawan school district that decided that middle school children shouldn’t hug each other. “It’s not normal or natural,” said school superintendent John Jacobus. “If kids hug, then the next thing you know there having babies and we can’t have that happen in our school.”
Governor Christie doesn’t mind if people hug, but he thought it was a good way to raise revenue for the state. “We need money, and hugs are something that can generate a good deal of revenue for our state.”
“It’s stupid, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Why can’t you hug?” New Jersey resident Steve Smallwood said. “That’s how we grew up, with affection. You hug, you kiss.”
For now, kisses are free of charge, according to state officials.
“It’s kind of silly,” one Princeton man said. “I hug my friends and family all the time. I don’t know what the big deal is.”
The New Jersey Housewives are not happy about the decision:
Neither is Snooki and JWoww.
But Governor Chris Christie isn’t budging and it’s not because he “can’t” budge, he just doesn’t want to go back on his decision. “Hey, that’s the new law, get used to it.”
A Christie spokesman said, “Hugging can be inappropriate and we want to make sure that there’s no inappropriate physical contact. So, the best way to do that is to ban hugging completely.”
Bruce got in one last hug – one for the road.