According to reports, Republicans are employing 12-year-old “child prodigy” Billy Hogbin for the fall presidential election.
WASHINGTON — Though the GOP’s presidential candidate is yet to be determined, the Republican Party has already lined up one Mississippi-based politico to aid the campaign to defeat President Barack Obama this fall. His name is Billy Hogbin, and he’s 12.
Don’t let his age fool you, though — according to insiders, Hogbin is a child prodigy, a genius when it comes to plotting and taking down political adversaries. After providing a crushing defeat against Missy Likens to take the class president post for his third-grade class, Hogbin rose through the ranks to elect his father Brooks County assessor, manage an uncle’s mayoral campaign and, finally, was a key figure in several Southern governorships. He went on to author three books on campaigning, as well as maintain the popular conservative blog titled “Simply Hogbin.”
According to him, it’s all about image.
“The goal is to make yourself look like a good guy — like a super hero or a firefighter,” Hogbin said. “And the other guy’s a poo-poo head, so make sure you call him a ‘poo-poo head.’”
Many of the prominent GOP elite praise Hogbin’s innovation.
“His brilliance is unmatched,” said one proponent, who asked to not be named. “I’ve never seen anyone with the kind of election savvy this kid’s got. Remember ‘No-bama’ or ‘We speak English, learn it’? Those were Hogbin. Just brilliant. Just the kind of fresh eyes the party needs.”
Though voters have yet to see who Hogbin will be helping to attain a victory this fall, plans against Obama have already leaked, including “Democrats? More like DUMB-ocrats” and “Obama? LOL.”