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HUMANS TAKEN HOSTAGE IN DOG PARK


PHILADELPHIA — It was just another day at the park, until the dogs decided it was that time to take over.

A dog park in Philadelphia has become the scene of a high-tension hostage situation as animals in the park, largely outnumbering the humans that had brought them there, are allowing no one to leave or
enter. No demands have been vocalized, and no casualties have been reported yet.

According to a bystander who had been passing by during the takeover, the dogs provided no warning before breaking off in groups to surround each human within the fenced-in area, with only a few leftover animals guarding entry into the park.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said the bystander, who asked not to be named. “It was like a switch had been turned on in all of their brains at the same time. Each human has been forced to a bench, where
they’ve stayed for the past 4 hours.”

Police have been hesitant in forcing entry in the park, as many animals are within biting distance from the human in which they are assigned.  Collective growls from the animals have silenced the dog owners from speaking out.

Surprisingly, the animals did not respond to initial attempts at distraction, as police officers had mail carriers circle the perimeter of the fence to provide hostages with an opening.

Though some have deemed the situation hopeless, the impending arrival of 36 boxes of milkbones has provided a glimmer of hope.

“Eventually, they’re gonna get hungry,” one police officer said. “Let’s just hope they don’t eat before the treats get here.”