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LOS ANGELES BANS SURFING


The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors on Tuesday agreed to institute fines for surfing.  Average fine: $5,000.

In a 598-page ordinance, the county board specified precisely what is and is not allowed on LA beaches during the summertime — and any object other than a beach ball or volleyball is out.   Throwing a football or a Frisbee is considered illegal beach activity, but the board’s move upped the fine for violations to a whopping $2,000.

“It is unlawful for any person to cast, toss, throw, kick or roll any ball, tube, or any light object other than a beach ball or beach volleyball upon or over any beach at any time,” the ordinance states.

No more of this dangerous act:

The biggest shock was the Board banned surfing – the sport most associated with L.A.!!

“We’ve had too many injuries and some beaches have begun dangerous because certain Surfer Gangs refuse to allow other non-gang members to surf.  For the safety of all Los Angeles citizens, whether near the beach or inland, we hearby ban all surfing, surfboard, wetsuits, surfboard shops and surfing music,” the ordinance reads.

There was an uproar from a number of surfing enthusiasts outside City Hall, but it did’t last long because they forgot why they were there.  But, eyewitnesses say they looked upset.

Here’s a typical LA Surfer gang:

The Board of Supervisors is looking at banning bathing suits and suntan lotion as well.  “Bathing suits cause all sorts of problems on the beach.  Many people have been injured when there bathing suits have accidentally fallen down or when they were staring at someone else’s bathing suit or bikini, thus causing an accident.  Bathing suits are dangerous.”

Smoking on beaches was banned in 2008.  And look how dangerous this is:

Will running on the beach be banned?  Biking?  Breathing? WWN asked the Board of Supervisors and they said… “Look, you guys are trying to make this into some kind of joke, but we need to keep our citizens safe and the safest place for them is out of the sun, off the beach and in a dark room with no frisbees, footballs or surfers.”

California here I come…