PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – Punxsutawney Phil was found dead this morning in an apparent suicide.
Sources report he committed suicide after the mildest winter in years.
He did not see his shadow at Gobbler’s Knob today, which indicates an early spring, but sources confirm Phil had doubted his accuracy for some time. Terrified that the record-breaking snowfall would continue through the end of March, Phil couldn’t face the possibility that his prediction might be wrong.
Caretakers noted in recent weeks that Phil, the only true weather forecasting groundhog, had become irritable and reclusive. He had been refusing food, consuming only water and a few acorns each day.”
He really took a turn for the worse in the last few weeks. He really doubted himself, his abilities, and the groundhog legend. We started giving him Amitriptyline, an anti-anxiety medication for dogs, at the beginning of January, hoping it would be enough to take the edge off. I’m so sorry we couldn’t do more. He had been seeing a veterinarian psychiatrist and had started to turn things around mentally. This is really just a sad day for the entire Punxsutawney family. Phil didn’t have to go out like this. He abandoned us.”
Phil had one son, Philipo. He is reportedly inconsolable, but promises to be back next February 2nd to fill in for his revered father.
Examiners have not released an official cause of death. Toxicology reports are expected to take six to eight weeks. According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.Weather experts speculate that the northern hemisphere may be stuck in a “limbo winter” for several years. Punxsutawney insiders believe Phil felt this never-ending winter and couldn’t face his future without a spring.
Awww…he wouldn't leave us like that!! Hahahaha…he's got a 39% accuracy rate according to the official weather sites…that's not 1/2 bad
No, it's 61% bad.
I was listening to the news this morning, and they said Phil saw his shadow (despite the cloud cover). No mention of a suicide. Why they put this poor creature to all this attention is beyond me.
[...] He did not see his shadow at Gobbler’s Knob today, which indicates an early spring, but sources confirm Phil had doubted his accuracy for some time. Terrified that the record-breaking snowfall would continue through the end of March, Phil couldn’t face the possibility that his prediction might be wr… http://weeklyworldnews.com/… [...]
I live near Punxy and I know he saw his shadow! I seriously doubt that he committed suicide.
It's a year later, and Phil did not see his shadow. Let's just hope he's right this year!
The big story here is not the suicide itself, but the fact that groundhogs have evolved to the point that they have the wherewithal to contemplate their own self-awareness, and make the conciseness decision to end it all.
DNA testing will show that he's not a groundhog at all but a mongrel mixture of possum, squirrel and Guinea Pig…
he's been despondant since they passed over him for the part in that Bill Murray movie.
What????
Shades of Vince Foster, Grassy Knoll, and "no airliner parts at the Pentagon." There's a coverup here, P-Phil knew the real story about Global Warming, and he couldn't be allowed to waddle around anymore. I just hope we can someday find the truth about what happened, before it is too late.
you people are a fake news agency ..you make up then wipe out previous news articles —-get out while you can before someone brings you to court over bogus information—-sheesh
WWN is a PARODY news site. Most everyone who comes here knows it's fake.They posted an article just like this last year. Oh, well, at least they did an article on Pippa and Kate Middleton in the Olympic event of Women's Sandcourt Volleyball. That was hilarious!
R.I.P. Punxsutawney Phil
A Bird with a large beak was seen fleeing the scene.
He's not dead! Punxsutawney Phil is ALIVE! He lives in Woodstock Illinois, under a different identity! His new name is Woodstock Willy!!
bow.. bow.. bow..
Endless snow. Winter-1, Groundhog-0. Grilled Prairie Dog recipe will work fine for PunxyPhil; just cook him longer: http://bit.ly/GrillPhil.