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SIBERIA TO BECOME PART OF U.S.

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Siberian separatists have agreed to allow the United States to annex their region of Russia.

Many, if not all Siberians, may think at times that the Siberian regions with their natural riches live poorly just because they have to give away a big part of their incomes to other territories of the Russian Federation.

Siberians have tried to put that idea into action for decades and established a political movement. The vain attempts did not lead to anything for years, but now the movement has reached critical mass and and, if all goes according to plan, Siberia will become an American territory (much like Puerto Rico), within six months.

It’s a win-win situation for Siberians.

Those living in Siberia will be now identified as Siberians.  Vladimir Kiselyov, a 37-year-old resident of the city of Mezhdurechensk, was a leader in the movement and believed that Siberia had to get rid of the Moscow yoke.

The only way for the territory to truly prosper was to become a part of the US.

Of course, Vladmir Putin and the new Russian leadership vow to do everything to block the annexing of Siberia, but they did open a door with President Obama hinted that he would make Russia “an offer they couldn’t refuse” in order to get Siberia.

President Obama believes that Siberia is rich in minerals that the United States is uniquely qualified to take advantage of.   Will Obama drill for oil in Siberia?  “Absolutely not,” said a spokesman for the White House.  “President Obama wants to end oil drilling around the globe by the end of the second term.”

The US has been working quietly over the last six months to help Siberia obtain independence.

Siberia will be a territory of the United States, much like Alaska and California were in the 19th century.  Siberia has no plans to apply for statehood right away, but hopes to be the 51st State by 2015.

US politician Zbigniew Brzezhinski, a well-known politician, applauds Siberia becoming part of the U.S. and wants to help create a new commonwealth from Vancouver to Vladivostok.

The Irkutsk State University recently held a seminar with the participation of fifth-year students of the US-Siberian Department for Management and “Regionalistic Alternative to Siberia” Public Movement. The future graduates of the US-Siberian Department of the University were thrilled at the prospect of being part of the United States.

“Our economic future is bright,” said one excited graduate.

The big question:  Will Siberia get an NFL franchise?

Siberia facts:

Siberia covers 4.9 million square miles, an area that is three-fourths of the Russian Federation or onethird larger than the United States and one-fourth larger than Canada.

Siberia stretches from the URALS in the west over 3,000 miles to the Pacific Ocean in the east. It has borders with Kazakhstan, Mongolia, and China.

Siberia’s size is not advantageous as the climate is usually very harsh with a marked continental climate. The northeastern part shows the coldest temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere with – 90 degrees F at Oymyakon and Verkhoyansk in Yakutia. In summer, temperatures can reach 90 degrees F.  These great differences in temperature present a challenge for human colonization and exploitation of the rich natural resources (wood, coal, oil, gas, gold). Permafrost has a decisive impact on soil formation with the consequence that infrastructure is expensive to build.

The famous Trans-Siberian Railroad, built between 1891 and 1903, touches the southern belt of Siberia. Although Siberia is inhabited by nearly 45 different ethnic groups, Russians represent the majority. According to the census of 1989, 85 percent of the population are Russians. Russian colonization since the late 16th century resulted in a decline of the indigenous nationalities that counted more than 200 tribes before the Russian arrival. There are three great ethnic groups: Finno-Ugrians, Turco-Tatars, and Tungus and Paleo-Asiatics.