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MILKY WAY RENAMED WAL-MART WAY


Wal-Mart inked a deal to pay the U.S. government $50 million a year to rename our galaxy.

The new name was announced yesterday at the White House with several prominent NASA and Wal-Mart executives in attendance.

The pact, first reported in June by the Los Angeles times is to be worth $50 million a year for the federal government.  A White House spokesman said that the President is trying to come up with creative ways of raising revenue – other than taxing the rich or cutting expenditures.  “The President is thinking out of the box, out of our solar system,” said the spokesman.

According to sources, The Milky Way will be the first celestial sponsorship offered by the government. , represents a substantial commitment for MetLife, the nation’s largest life insurer, which previously had paid for a “cornerstone” sponsorship promoting its brand in a corner of the stadium.

Elizabeth Hamels, chief marketing officer for Wal-Mart told WWN that Wal-Mart is “extremely pleased with the deal.  We believe Wal-Mart is an appropriate, and accurate, name for our galaxy.”

The White House believes that since NASA’s twin Voyager probes are peering outside our solar system, the name “Milky Way” will be in the press on a daily basis, it is a great deal for Wal-Mart.  “Every time there is a news report or  article on our galaxy it will  be referred to as The Wal-Mart galaxy.   We think it’s a win-win situation.  Good for Wal-Mart, good for our economy and good for the universe because it’s a catchy name,” said a senior White House advisor.

“Honestly, the milk industry has been getting free publicity for years – not to mention that candy  bar – and we think it’s time that the government got its fair share.”

Insiders at The White House say that they will move quickly to get sponsorships for the planets in our solar system and our sun.  There are rumors that McDonald’s has made a “significant offer” to rename Earth – McDonald’s – and Apple has already moved to rename the Sun – Apple.  “It makes sense that the biggest, and only star, in our solar system should be named Apple.   This was something that Steve Jobs was working on at the time of his death,” said  an Apple executive in Cupertino, California.

Here’s some possible sponsorships:

The Wal-Mart Way is the galaxy that contains our solar system.  The old name, “Milky Way” derived from its appearance as a dim un-resolved “milky” glowing band arching across the night sky.  The term “Milky Way” is a translation of the latin for “milky road.”

Democrats on Capitol Hill were quick to praise President Obama for his decision to sell sponsorships of astronomical bodies.  “A few years ago, I paid a company to name a star after my wife, Landra, and this is basically the same thing on a bigger scale,”  Senator Harry Reid reportedly told WWN.

Nancy Pelosi is introducing a bill to block Apple from renaming the Sun.  Instead she would like our Sun to be renamed “Obama”.   “It is only right, that the source of life, the brightest light in the universe be named Obama,” Pelosi reportedly told the Washington Post.