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HORSE MEAT GOES ON SALE ACROSS U.S.


TULSA, OK —  Congress has just greenlit horse slaughterhouses.  Horse meat will be on shelves across American within two weeks.

Horses can now legally be  butchered in the U.S. for human consumption.  Congress enthusiastically lifted a 5-year-old ban on funding horse meat inspections,which allows slaughterhouses to get up and running as soon as possible.

“We want horse meat on everyone’s dinner table for the holidays,” said Tyler Knox, a horse slaughterhouse expert from San Antonio, Texas.  “There’s nothing as tasty as fresh horse meat.”

President Obama is reportedly looking forward to eat a plate of lean horse rib for a State Dinner to be held on December 15th.  “It’s about time we ate horses in this country,” said a source close to a White House chef.  “Horse and potatoes.  That’s the All-America meal, right there.”

Slaughter opponents pushed a measure cutting off funding for horse meat inspections through Congress in 2006 after other efforts to pass outright bans on horse slaughter failed in previous years. Congress lifted the ban in a spending bill President Barack Obama signed into law Nov. 18 to keep the government afloat until mid-December.

The USDA issued a statement  saying there are no slaughterhouses in the U.S. that butcher horses for human consumption now, but when they do open, they will\ conduct inspections to make sure federal laws were being followed. USDA spokesman Chuck Griffin declined to answer questions beyond what was in the statement.  But he went on to say that  he was a lover of horse liver.

The last U.S. slaughterhouse that butchered horses closed in 2007 in Illinois, and animal welfare activists warned of massive public outcry in any town where a slaughterhouse will open.

Slaughterhouses are scheduled to open in Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, Nebraska and in one county in New Jersey.   Elmer Pacamando, president and  of The Humane Society of the United States. “Local opposition will emerge and you’ll have tremendous controversy over slaughtering Trigger and Mr. Ed.”

But pro-slaughter activists say the ban had unintended consequences, including an increase in neglect and the abandonment of horses, and that they are scrambling to get dozens of plants going — in Wyoming, North Dakota, Nebraska and Missouri.

Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., said the poor economy has resulted in “sad cases” of horse abandonment and neglect and lifting the ban will give Americans a shot at regaining lost jobs and making sure sick horses aren’t abandoned or mistreated.  He reportedly added,  “And horse meat gives you a lot of energy.  It’s good for you.  Montana horse meat is the best.”

Giddyup!