HAUNTED WHITE HOUSE

WASHINGTON, DC –  White House ghosts are terrorizing White House Staff and the First Family.

The White House has a long been considered the most haunted homes in America. President Harry Truman said the place was haunted “sure as shooting.” Kennedy’s Press Secretary James Haggerty admitted to sensing the presence of Lincoln’s ghost in the White House, and Bush’s Press Secretary Dana Perino admitted she was a believer: “There are, from time to time, reports that the White House is haunted by mysterious appearances of figures from history, and I believe them. There have been serious people who have serious tales to tell about these encounters, and there are many people who seriously believe that there is a haunting quality to the White House.”

And now… the Obama administration is dealing with ghosts that have been unusually active over the past few weeks.  “I’m scared to death to walk into some rooms alone,” said senior adviser, Valerie Jarrett.

Hillary Rodham Clinton recently said: “It’s very creepy.  And I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve seen Richard Nixon’s ghost several times.  I think he’s targeting me.”

Richard Nixon’s ghost also haunted George Bush.   Nixon’s ghost was even caught by a photographer:

Michelle Obama wants to hold a séance to rid the house of ghosts, but President Obama has refused.  However, he may be left with no choice.

“A lot of the staff called in sick this week, and I think we might have over 50% of the staff stay home on Halloween,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney.  “Almost everybody has had an encounter with a ghosts – who are very aggressive.  Some staffers are afraid they might be attacked physically.”

Most staffers report seeing the ghost of Willie Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln’s young son who died in the White House.

In his book The Choice, Bob Woodward of Watergate fame describes how in 1995, a séance was held by psychic Jean Houston in the White House solarium, during which Hillary sank into a trance and channeled the spirits of Eleanor Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi. There are also rumors that in the early 1980s, Nancy Reagan’s personal astrologer, Joan Quigley, arranged another attempt to communicate with spirits through the “White House portal.”

Other ghosts that have been spotted in the White House recently:

— The ghost of Anne Surratt has been seen pounding on the doors of the White House, pleading for the release of her mother. Mary Surratt was executed in 1865 for her part in the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln. Her daughter is said to appear on the steps of the White House on July 7, the anniversary of her mother’s trip to the scaffolds. –

— The ghost of a British soldier from the War of 1812 is said to walk the grounds in front of the White House at night. He is said to be a remnant of the 1814 attempt by the British to burn the White House. The menacing apparitions is always seen with a blazing torch in his hand.

— The ghost of Ronald Reagan.   President Obama has said he sees Reagan in the Oval Office frequently.

— The ghost of Dorothea Paine “Dolly” Madison, wife of President James Madison. Dolly planted the first rose garden and every time Michelle Obama has been in her garden she says Dolly Madison appears and berates her for “not  doing it right.”

— The ghost of William Henry Harrison can sometimes be heard rummaging about in the White House attic.

— The ghost of JFK and Marilyn Monroe.  Several White House staffers have said they have seen the ghosts of JFK and Marilyn Monroe having “ghost sex” in different parts of the White House.  “Ghost porn” is what many staffers call it.

The Obama Administration has hired some government “ghostbusters” to occupy the White House on Halloween.