CHICAGO – Federal authorities have alerted residents that a large contingent of werewolves is headed for the Windy City.
The Werewolf Defense Panel (a division of the Defense Department) has issued a warning to residents of Illinois, especially Chicago, of a coming werewolf “insurrection” or “infestation”.
Professor Gregory Hayes of Oxford University – distinguished Professor of Lycanthropy – has been working with Defense Department officials for the last two months. He was brought to the U.S. because of increased reports of werewolves in the United States.
“In the last two years, there have been an unusually high number of werewolf sightings in eastern Europe and sub-Saharan Africa. But the largest number of reports in the past five months have been coming from the United States, particularly the Midwest.”
Members of the Werewolf Defense Panel would only speak to WWN off the record. But members told WWN that there have been over six hundred reports of werewolf attacks in the last five months alone. They would not say how many of those attacks were lethal. They clearly do not want to alarm Americans.
Professor Hayes told WWN that a study on historical werewolf attacks occurring in the 18th–19th centuries indicated that victims were almost entirely children under the age of 12, with 85% of the attacks occurring when no adults were present. In the few cases in which an adult was killed, it was almost always a woman.
“What is alarming about the attacks occurring in the Midwest of the United States is that the werewolves are no longer attacking only women and children, the werewolves seem to be attacking young men and older women as well. The werewolves particularly like high school football players.”
Werewolves used to just attack and bite their victims, but the latest reports are that they are “mauling” and “tearing apart” the victims – young men mostly.
This young Joliet man, 25, was bitten last week, but luckily he survived:
Mayor Rahm Emanuel is advising all Chicago residents to report any werewolf sightings immediately to the authorities and told citizens “not to try and apprehend the werewolf on your own.” He will be holding another press conference tomorrow.
The Obama Administration has said it will send troops to Chicago if the werewolf insurrection gets out of control this weekend.
WWN will be in Chicago to monitor the situation.