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SASQUATCH STOLE MY LUNCH MONEY!


SEATTLE, WA- Sasquatch has been accused of bullying:  Steals boy’s lunch!

Obama’s anti bullying message became especially pertinent today after a local boy was terrorized by a beast normally beloved in the Cascades region of Washington State.

Young J.  Reber was taking a shortcut on his way to school when he was accosted by the creature known to all in the region as…Sasquatch.

The beast taunted the boy for several minutes before holding him upside down and shaking the money out of his pockets.  He then proceeded to steal Reber’s lunch before loping back into the forest.

“I never saw it coming,” said Reber. “He was so mean. I always thought Sasquatch was my friend, but now I don’t feel safe in those woods.”

“I want justice for my son,” says Sheila Reber, the boy’s mother. “Kids shouldn’t have to be scared when going to school. I want bullies like Sasquatch to know that it isn’t ok to scare kids like that, or to make them feel badly about themselves.”

Obama will be issuing statements concerning his anti-bullying campaign in the near future. He and Michelle were said to be “very disappointed” in Sasquatch’s behavior.  “He should know better, he probably was picked on when he was a kid too,” said Michelle Obama.

No word yet on whose side Lady Gaga will be taking.