OMAHA, NE – On the eve of President Obama’s “Buffett Tax” – sources say the Oracle of Omaha was arrested for dodging taxes!
In a surprising development, Warren Buffett was reportedly arrested this morning at his Berkshire Hathaway offices in Omaha. Allegedly, he has not only paid less than his secretary in taxes, he hasn’t paid ANY taxes in last ten years. Or maybe it was just an IRS error. It’s not clear.
The IRS has supposedly been going over Bufftett’s tax returns with extra care because President Obama is about to present the the nation with “the Buffett tax”, which raises taxes on millionaires and billionaires.
What they reportedly found was that Buffett’s company has been paying taxes but it’s Chariman, Warren B., has not filed taxes in ten years and before that he was only paying taxes on a rate of 7%, thanks to some very creative accounting and some help from the IRS.
“Warren always liked to hire accountants with great imaginations,” said a person who knows somebody who works at Berkshire Hathaway. “He used to have them submit a short story or a painting or a musical composition as a test to see if they were creative enough to be his accountant. He loved to hire circus clowns as accountants. They were the best.”
The Oracle of Omaha told WWN that he must have “forgot” to pay his taxes over the last ten years and blamed the lack of tax payments on his new accountant – Scott Dude. When Buffett was told that “Scott Dude” sounds like a fictitious name, Buffett said, “do you have any oatmeal?”
Buffett was reportedly playing Angry Birds at the time of his arrest. The IRS agents sat down and played for an hour themselves. They all had a grand time.
Buffett can only be blamed for bringing this on himself. Over the last few months he has been publicly making the case for the government to raise taxes on billionaires like himself. Unfortunately, he didn’t think that the IRS would actually audit him – “audit, me?!” But, the Obama Administration wanted to tell the public exactly what Buffett paid over the last few years and had him audited and… they discovered he has not filed taxes. But, again, it could have been an IRS error because as the IRS said, “we’re buried in paperwork over here!”
Sources say Buffett was held in a Federal jail in Washington DC for seventeen minutes. President Obama pardoned Buffett so he could hold a press conference about The Buffett Tax.
“President Obama can now make the case that billionaires are dodging their taxes and that the government should confiscate most of their earnings. After all, most fortunes are made because of a crime,” said Jay Carney, The White House Press Secretary.
Warren Buffet sure was happy to be free:
Buffett has promised now to give all the money he promised to give to Bill Gates to the federal government. “They can handle my money better than Bill,” Buffett said.
In an unrelated story, Bill Gates left the country for an undisclosed location.