MISSOULA, MT – Kim Jong Il was seen performing in the most unlikeliest of places.
The Triple Deuce, a rural bar just outside Missoula, was visited by the dictator of communist North Korea last Thursday. Kim Jong Il attended the weekly open mic night, playing an acoustic set of blues and country standards with a few songs he wrote about his time on the road.
In the past few months, Korean authorities have come under fire for covering for their missing leader. News agencies and governments have been skeptical of the military’s excuses, especially after obviously faked photos were released by North Korea’s official news agency.
Pyongyang’s Minister of Truth stated via phone, “Of course Our Dear Leader is here! He wouldn’t gallivant around the United States for months at a time and never call. Absurd! He’s here right now!”
When asked if Weekly World News could speak to Kim, the Minister replied, “Just one moment. Dearest Leader, there’s a phone call for- Oh, sorry, he’s too busy teaching orphans to read. That’s our Glorious Leader!” and then promptly hung up.
Kim Jong Il played a fifteen minute set including “Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash, “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You”, and songs he wrote titled “Sovereign Highway Rambler” and “Lonely at the Top of Mount Paektu”.
Crowds were unsure of how to react to the singing dictator. Receiving mostly polite applause, he held back tears as he finished his final song and walked off the stage. After paying for his two ginger ales, he left the bar.
The American government is unsure of what Kim Jong Il may be doing here or where he is going on his tour of the United States. State Department insiders believe he may be working on a solo album. He was last seen heading south on I-15.
I would love to hear him sing I Wirr Arways Rove You by Dorry Parton