NEW YORK – Meteorologists are predicting that Hurricane Irene will sink Manhattan Island.
If you are in Manhattan forget about loading up on bottled water, beer, and canned corn. Don’t board up your windows. Don’t watch TV weathermen getting blown around.
It won’t matter. Manhattan is going to sink. Head to Jersey. Now!!
New Jersey will be the “New” New York.
The city’s official hurricane threat level has been raised from “Mild Devastation” to “Armageddon.”
Weather experts predict that Hurricane Irene will bury Manhattan under 90 feet of water and fish parts. “It’ll be worse than 12 tsunamis,” said Scott Blake of Tony’s Weather Club. “Winds are going to be over 300 miles per hour.”
Chris Christie, the Governor of New Jersey, said New Yorkers are welcome in New Jersey. “We have lower taxes and we have Snooki. You’re gonna love it here.”
The National Hurricane Panic Center (NHPC) confirmed that their computerized models have Manhattan being hit with not only a massive Triple Hurricane, but also two earthquakes and a blizzard.
“Things are going to get crazy. Start screaming,” said Tom Weewinkler of the NHPC.
Frank Mastardi, the chief meteorologist at Weather Hype said that the last time Manhattan was buried in water was 1790. “The reason Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr went to New Jersey to shoot each other was because of the Triple Hurricane of 1790. It was the last time Manhattan was buried in water.”
Mayor Bloomberg has begun massive evacuations of Manhattan citizens to New Jersey. But many New Yorkers are refusing to go into New Jersey.”
“I’d rather die than go to New Jersey,” said Taylor Ashland of the East Village. That sentiment was echoed by New Yorkers from Battery Park to Harlem.
Hurricane Irene, a Category 17 Hurricane will hit Manhattan on Sunday. Alternate side of the street parking rules will remain in effect.