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RICK PERRY IS FAKING HIS TWANG!


DALLAS  – According to sources close to the Texas governor – Rick Perry fakes his twang.

Rick Perry is known for his tough talk and his heavy Texas twang.  But an insider close to the governor says that he is faking his Texas twang – because he feels it will appeal to voters.

“Oh hell, he’s been faking it for years,” said Perry family friend, Tad Boller.   “He was born in Texas, but his parents ‘educated the twang’ out of him when he was a boy.  I bust a gut every time I hear him make a speech.”

Why does Perry do it?  “He thinks it makes him more of a cowboy, makes him sound tougher,” said Boller.

Perry considers himself a “rugged Texan” who often tells supporters he can ride a bronco bareback and can rope a calf blindfolded.  Perry proudly tells friends he can wrestle a brown bear and is willing to prove it.  “Brown bears don’t scare me.  What scares me is people who believe in evolution.  That scares the grits out of me.”

Also, according to insiders, Perry is really a Democrat.  “He likes talking like a big ole Red Republican, but he really is an environmentalist at heart, who believes fully in global warming.  He also likes higher taxes, unions and is pro-choice.  Once he becomes President, he plans on doing the Texas two-step on the American people.  He’s already saying that Al Gore is going to be his Secretary of Energy.”

As a boy, Perry took lessons to learn how to speak with a proper Texas twang.  “It was kind the reverse of what you saw in that movie, The King’s Speech,” Boller said.   Boller said taht Perry used to speak English with no accent whatsoever, but he wanted to be considered ‘cool’ by his classmates in high school,  so he started taking Twang Lessons.  In college, at Texas A&M, Perry lapsed back and lost his twang, but when he made a run for Texas governor, he brought back his teacher and… now he’s making a run for President.”

Professor Guy Bailey, a linguistics expert at University of Texas, is Rick Perry’s twang instructor.

Perry tells friends he prefers “Texas English,” than “English English.”  Perry says that Texas English is more desirable these days and that foreign leaders “expect American Presidents to have a Texas twang.  “They respect us more if our President has the twang,” Perry told a town hall in South Carolina.y

Perry wakes up every day to an alarm clock that says, “Y’all have a good day. ”  He alwasy says he is all for big “bidness” and tells friends that he is “fixin’ to” send Barack Obama back to Illinois.”  Perry has a personal goal of saying “y’all” at least 100 times a day.  “He thinks the more he says it, the more of a Texan he is,” said Boller.

But there’s another cowboy in town, and he’s learning to twang, too: