NEW YORK, NY – Due to the economic crisis banks, credit, and collection agencies are employing ninjas to collect outstanding payments.
Around the country people are noticing valuable property being repossessed under the cover of a smoke bomb, or past due notices stuck to doors with throwing stars.
“With the economy the way it is, we just can’t afford to not be paid,” said Thomas Morrow, head of public relations for JPMorgan Chase. “Ninjas have proven very effective at getting a message across.”
Indeed ninja effectiveness is difficult to argue. Instead of follow up calls from Indian call centers, those who are late with bills can expect to be woken from their sleep by a ninja standing over their bed asking if they would like to schedule payment.
One Alabama man was interrupted at dinner by an arrow flying through his window with a note attached. It read that his food had been poisoned and he would only receive the antidote once he had sent payment for his flat screen TV.
Since JPMorgan Chase signed a contract with the Shibamatsu ninja clan, delinquent payment issues have dropped 86%.
With no end to the economic slump in sight, the use of ninjas will only become more and more common by banks and other financial institutions.